H/T to Michael Sherman for this list published in the Boulder Daily Camera:
Below should be used to filter out folks that are not a good match for Boulder.
Application to Boulder:
How many bikes do you have? Have you trained at the Olympic center? Did you bring your charts for your average wattage output per ride?
What is your best time on Mount Sanitas? Must not exceed 35 minutes per Boulder Ordinance 8-11-6.
Do you throw anything away in the garbage? If yes, see link to website for Broomfield.
Would you be willing to volunteer on our Recycle Audit Team (RAT) in which you would be required to give us names of those in your new neighborhood that do not recycle?
Do you have a lot of money? Would you be willing to either give it away to transients or have it taxed from you?
Do you have the required $10,000 deposit with you?
Has anyone ever called you weird?
Can you draw crude block letters on scraps of cardboard that explains your circumstance? Can you stand for hours at a time while appearing forlorn?
Can you commit to spending two hours per day in a coffee shop? Bonus points if you are wearing bike licra and talking loudly about your ideas for a new start-up.
Has anyone in your family ancestry ever voted Republican?
How passionate is your hatred of gluten?
Do you feel the need to be controlled and suppressed by conventional mammary gland support systems created by Puritan men? Do you allow and encourage free-range breasts?
How often do you practice yoga? While in public, do you carry your mat rolled up in a very visible spot?
How many piercings do you have? Any that disrupt eating, talking, breathing, hearing, seeing, mating?
Do you need a formal deity? Can you worship the clouds?
Are you willing to lay down your life for the rights of prairie dogs, the rightful steward of all open space?
Do not think I would fit the mold to be a Boulder resident. But picture me with a Bible in one hand and a Bushmaster in the other. Would you prefer me as a neighbor?
ReplyDeleteBB - you probably would not make it past the border!
ReplyDeleteI know, we "bitter clingers" are an obstacle to univeral peace, love, and global harmony. Lol!
ReplyDeleteBizzy - I bet you don't own a gun???
ReplyDeleteYou are right, DES, I don't own "a" gun.
ReplyDeleteSorry BB - a couple of your comments got sent to the spam file [maybe the filter knows more than I do :-] So no 'a' gun, eh? No gun or more than one, har!
ReplyDelete